The Autums Series
by deanadamsgirl
Summary: A Series dealing with Adam's Return Home


AUTUMN'S SUPRISE

Summer was drawing to a close around the Ponderosa. This was the fifth autumn that Adam Cartwright had missed being with his family and Joe found himself often thinking of his older brother during this time of year. He wondered how Adam was enjoying Europe and if Europe had autumn's like they did in Nevada-crisp and cool. It had been almost six months since they had received Adam's last letter. It had been written from Paris in Adam's bold script describing the beauty of France in May. But then the letters stopped and the whole family was concerned.

Little Joe—no longer little but a strong, handsome man with a look of a heartfelt sorrow—sighed as he sat by the fire. His father watched him sadly. Since the death of Hoss and the virtual disappearance of Adam, the youngest Cartwright boy had grown moody and aloof. Ben had never thought it possible but his happy-go-lucky son, Joe, was turning more and more into the stern, dark Adam.

Ben shook his head and stood up from his desk. "I'm going outside, Joe, do you want to come?" he asked.

Joe looked up at his father. "No, thank you, Pa." he replied. "Candy and I are taking Jamie out tomorrow to bring in the harvest. I'm going to bed early."

Ben nodded and stepped out on the porch. The late summer sun had started to set bathing the Ponderosa in its glow. Ben smiled and sat in the porch chair looking out over his empire. Here he was, the owner of the largest land claim in Nevada and he should have been happy, but he was not. He still mourned over Hoss' death, worried over Adam's disappearance and was concerned with Joe's changing personality. Somewhere in the distance Ben could see the blazing flames of a fire and the smoke curling up to blend with the rosy rays of the dying sun and he smiled. The harvest was going well.

He watched the fire burn brighter and he seemed to bask in its glow. The he felt a movement by his elbow and he turned suddenly to see an Indian standing there. Despite the fact that this Indian bore the insignia of a tribe that hated white men, Ben felt no fear as he looked into the Indian's dark brown eyes. Neither of them said a word for a moment then Ben broke the silence. "Can I help you?"

The Indian smiled and Ben felt reassured. "You are Mr. Cartwright?" the native asked. Ben nodded. Whatever it was that this Indian girl wanted he would help her. She handed him a white man's pocketknife and asked him, "Do you recognize this?"

If Ben was startled by her perfect English he was even more surprised by the knife she balanced so well in her hand. He took it from her and nodded again. "Yes." He replied. "That is my son's. I bought three of them for my boys. Adam's was red, Hoss' blue, and Joe's green." He paused for a moment than asked her, "Where did you get it?"

"A man asked me to bring it to you." She answered. "He stumbled into my tribe weak from hunger and burning with fever. The men of my tribe sought to take his life but I was able to prevent them from doing so. I took him to my teepee where I tried to bring down his fever."

"When was this?" Ben asked aghast at the thought of how his boy had so narrowly escaped death.

"Several months ago." She replied. "He has been sick for a long time, Mr. Cartwright. He was what we say 'out of his head'-burning with fever but last night he was able to tell me who he was and he asked me to give the knife to his father and bring his fathers and brothers to him. Will you come?"

"Yes." Ben replied leaping out of his chair. "Let me get my son and we'll go."

The teepee that the Indian girl led them to was deep in the mountain forest. The leaves brushed against Ben and Joe's faces as they stumbled through the dense forest. At first Joe was a little afraid that the girl's tribe would attack them but she looked at him with a smile and assured him "They won't hurt us."

Joe gave her a look as though he did not believe her and she laughed. "My father is the chief." She smiled. "That is how I could save your brother's life and why they will not harm us."

Joe smiled at her. "Well now I feel safer." And the girl smiled.

They were aware that they were being followed and watched by the Indians hiding in the foliage but she paid them no heed except to occasionally shake her head at a passing shadow. Finally she stopped at a teepee, the only one in sight and pulled back the opening flap. "Go on in." she smiled. "Your son is on the cot just inside."

Ben and Joe ducked into the low teepee. For the tall Cartwright men it was definitely too short and cramping, for the young Indian girl it was just the right height. There was a cot just inside the middle of the teepee and a man lay on it a man wrapped in an Indian blanket with his eyes closed. He opened them when the two Cartwright's entered with a smile and stretched his arms out to them. All it took was one look before Ben and Joe rushed towards him.

He was older and paler than when they had seen him last. His eyes were just starting to regain their sparkle but his smile was the same as ever as he greeted them. "Pa. Joe." He took their hands in his. "Where's Hoss?"

Ben shook his head and avoided the question. There would be time to explain. But for now they had to get Adam home. Ben turned to the Indian girl. "Thank you so much." He smiled at her. "You saved my boy's life."

"It was a pleasure." She answered. "Your son is a wonderful man, Mr. Cartwright."

Adam smiled over at her and looked up at his father. "It's autumn, isn't it?"

Ben nodded. "And there is quite a bit of work to do on the Ponderosa before the first frost sets in."

Adam smiled and closed his eyes. "I'm glad to be back, Pa, I really am."

Ben cradled his son close. They had to take him home and make sure he got plenty of rest before he was better. But for now they were out here together with nature and Adam was home.

AUTUMN'S STORY

Adam looked up at the ceiling of his room. It looked different but strangely familiar. Yet it was not the high ceilings of the European hotels he had been staying at. Nor was it the teepee of the Indian girl who had rescued him almost six months before. The room looked like the one that he had grown up in. the room that faced him every day until he decided to go to Europe. He sighed and smiled. Outside he could hear someone whispering and then the door opened and his father and youngest brother entered the room. Ben looked at his son. Adam was pale, the suntan almost completely gone from his finely chiseled features. But his smile was still the smile that Ben had always known and the man suddenly felt glad to see his boy again.

"How are you feeling, son?" He inquired bending over his Adam's bed and brushing one stubborn lock out of Adam's face.

The young man smiled. Poor Pa always did worry about him. "I'm fine, Pa." he answered. "Just hungry. And my head hurts a little."

"How did it happen?" Ben asked.

"It was silly really." Adam laughed foolishly. "But tell me. How have you all been? Where's Hoss? And what has gone on since I left home?"

Ben looked over at Joe then down at the floor. There were many things to tell the oldest Cartwright son. Tell him about Candy-the tall good-looking foreman at the ranch, Griff's arrival, Jamie's adoption, Joe's marriage and the death of his bride, Hoss' death. So many memories. Some happy some sad.

"Tell you what," Ben smiled and avoided Adam's inquiry about Hoss. "Tell us how you got hurt and we will tell you all about the doing while you were away."

Adam smiled. "'A long sad tale is about to begin.'" he quoted then smiled. "All right, Pa, Joe. Sit down and I'll tell you everything."

"I was in London when it started." Adam began as his father and brother arranged themselves comfortably. "It was early spring and the trees had just started to bloom. Well I started thinking of home and how nice it was here and suddenly I decided that it was time to come home. That was a mission easier said than done, however. I had so much business piling up that I was afraid I would never be done. My original plan was to surprise you and come home for Easter but I knew that could not be accomplished so I went on with my work. The six months ago I really started to yearn for home. I wanted to see the Ponderosa again, wanted to breathe in the fresh scent of the pines, wanted to feel the leaves crushing under my feet. So I settled my business in London and moved to Paris where I talked to Joe Peters, a friend of mine from college who was my colleague in Europe.

"He had a new assignment for me but I told him I could not take any more jobs and of course he wanted to know why. 'I 've seen the world,' I told him, 'while we've worked together. England, France, Spain, Greece, Germany they are all beautiful places, lovely places just as I imagined they would be. But they were all lacking something and I finally know what it is.'

"Joe looked at me and frowned. 'What is it lacking?'

"I looked at Joe for a moment before I answered. 'It's not home, Joe.' and then I left his office.

"I booked passage on the first ship out of Paris and stopped in London one last time. I had one final business matter to settle. She was young, beautiful, and an heiress and we had to say goodbye. London may be known for its thick fog but there was none that night when I kissed her goodbye. The next day my ship left London to arrive in New York.

"I never wrote to you that I was coming because I wanted it to be a surprise but I was the one that was surprised when I arrived in the states. Joe had wired ahead to the head office that I was coming back and Nick Walters the owner of the business was at the port to meet me. 'So you're going home, Adam.' he started. 'Are you sure you will not change your mind?'

"'Positive Nick.' I answered. 'I'm tired of Europe. I just want to go home. There was a girl I knew back there. She said she would wait for me. I wonder if she still is.'

"Nick sighed. 'I'm losing the best architect I ever hired, Adam, I don't mind telling you that. But you know what's best for you. Go home with my blessing.'

"'Thanks, Nick.' I smiled. 'You know my Pa always used to say that there was no place as beautiful as the Ponderosa but I did not believe him. Now I've seen other places for myself. And you know, my Pa was right.'

"Nick laughed. 'You had better tell your Pa that. He'll never believe his stubborn son ever admitted that he did anything right.'

"I smiled and we parted. I took a train out of New York the next day. I would arrive in Virginia City in about a week, taking into consideration all stops made. And then I planned to ride over to the Ponderosa and surprise you all. But just as the train was crossing into Nevada an accident happened.

"I'll never forget that moment. Feeling the train lurch and the sensation as though a huge monster had picked me up off my feet and slammed me against the far wall of the train. All around me I could hear people screaming and praying and I wanted to help them but I was pinned under something and could not free myself. Then a rescue party came and hauled us out of the wreck. I stood near the overturned car barely breathing. Many people had died in that wreck. Their necks broken when the car flipped and overturned. But somehow for some reason I had been spared and I knew that I was meant to come home.

"I did not stay for medical help in the town. Instead I rented a horse and headed towards home again. That was perhaps a mistake. I did not know it but my head had slammed against the wall of the car and I had hurt my neck. As I was riding home fever and chills set in and I knew that I should stop. But I was stubborn and I wanted to get home so I kept pushing myself on.

"I stopped at a town, I don't remember where, and bought some food. The people there were very nice and when they saw my condition they begged me to stay and see the doctor who was currently out of town. But I could not stay. I wanted to get home. And I pushed on.

"I was about a day's journey away from home when it happened. I was hotter than I had ever been, already the fever had gone to my head and I could barely see in front of me. But I knew you could help me, Pa, and I pressed on.

"I remember riding through a field and telling myself to watch my horse since the field was doted with rocks and gopher holes. But I guess I did not watch him well enough because he stumbled and I flew through the air."

Adam paused for breathe and frowned. "The rest of it is a little hazy." He admitted. "I dimly remember standing up and walking toward what I thought was home. I remember walking into a tribe of Indians holding a council and they took me prisoner. The men locked me in a teepee with several rough guards and I lay on the floor and passed out.

"I remember hearing a girl's voice speaking when I awoke. It was a soft voice like the coo of a dove and I opened my eyes to look at the figure of a young Indian girl bending over me. 'Are you all right?' she asked and I nodded.

"'They would have killed you out there.' She smiled and passed a cool rag over my burning forehead. 'You interrupted an important council.'

"'I'm sorry.' I managed to whisper.

"'But I convinced them that you were too sick to do them any harm so they released you to me.'

"'Thank you.' I replied as she held glass of cold water to my lips.

"'Try to get some sleep now.' She answered standing up. 'I'll be back in to check on you.'

"I fell asleep and when I woke up a terrible fever had set in and I was delirious. I don't remember anything that happened during that time. I do know that the Indian girl took good care of me and I recovered.

"I was still weak but I had to let you know where I was. So I gave the girl my knife and asked her to bring you to me. I'm so glad you came, Pa. I was so worried and so tired." Adam closed his eyes and sighed.

Ben and Joe looked down at the sleeping man. Ben smiled. There would be other days to tell Adam what had gone on while he was away. But now he was home and Ben was truly happy. If only Hoss…But Ben shook his head. Two sons are better than none. And they would always cherish and revere the memory of the "Gentle Giant of the Ponderosa."

THE END

AUTUMN'S MEMORY

For several moments after Adam finished his story the three Cartwright men sat silent each looking off into a faraway space lost in their own dreams.

Adam's head still ached and fireworks seemed to be popping behind his closed eyes. He remembered seeing a fireworks display once in Europe, Paris if he remembered correctly, and the vivid colors danced before him now. Such pretty red, blue, and white colors seemed to blind him and he rubbed his tired eyes to dispel them. But there was still something that he had to know before he slept and opening his eyes he asked the question that Ben and Joe had been dreading and trying so hard to avoid. "Pa, where's Hoss?"

Ben shifted uncomfortably and looked from Joe to Adam. Then he tried to smile at his eldest son. "Why don't you try to rest, Adam?"

Adam shook his head. "I want to see Hoss, Pa. I was hoping to see his bright smile and cheery face when I got home."

Ben's eyes filled with tears and Joe's lower lip quivered. Both of them avoided Adam's earnest gaze, a fact that he quickly noticed. "Well?" Adam pressed determined to find out what was causing their silence. Had Hoss perhaps eloped with some saloon girl? Death had never crossed Adam's mind. Hoss was too young, too strong, too full of life.

Silence descended on the room. Ben and Joe had locked their eyes each scanning the others soul to try to decipher the key to sharing their sorrow. Adam's big hazel eyes watched them, his lips half parted, his breathe rising and falling quickly as he tried to understand their silence.

The silence was deafening and slowly growing longer. Ben and Joe realized that but there was no words to express what they had tried to lock deep inside them. Ben finally stood up, his hands shoved deep in his pockets. He stood by Adam's dresser his hands now idly picking up Adam's personal items, his eyes looking at his two sons in the mirror.

Joe turned slightly in his chair and looked back at his father. Through the mirror he could see Ben's eyes. All the ache and hurt that Joe had ever felt seemed multiplied a hundred times by the mirror inside his father. Joe understood how much Ben was grieving and he knew that he alone could tell Adam what their father could not bring himself to say.

Joe turned back to Adam who was scanning his face with an anxious worried look. All of the courage Joe had felt when looking at his father seemed to drain out of him as he gazed upon the face of his older brother. Still Joe had a job to do so taking a deep breath he replied Adam's query of several moments ago although to the three of them it had felt like years. "Adam, Hoss is dead." And then Joe bowed his head unable to stand the look of anguish in his brother's eyes.

Adam lay in stunned silence for several moments unable to believe what he had just heard-praying that what he had heard was wrong. But he did not hear wrong, the anguish in his father's eyes as Ben turned back to his son told him that. Suddenly faced with that realization Adam started to think about Hoss and guilt suddenly invaded his soul. He remembered Inger's last words to him before she died. "Take care of Hoss." And her smile was so beautiful. Everything inside Adam cried out and begged Inger's forgiveness. "I was not here." He whispered so low but not low enough. "I was not here to save him, Inger."

Joe leant closer to his older brother. "What, Adam?" he whispered.

Adam passed his sleeve over his eyes. "Nothing, Joe. I was just remembering something from the past."

"Memories." Ben murmured walking to the window and peeking through the curtain. "Alas that is all we have left of Eric now."

Adam and Joe looked over at their father. Joe could never remember Pa calling Hoss Eric and Adam remembered it only twice. Once when Hoss was born and once when the two Cartwright lads, he and Hoss, got into a huge fight with a neighbor and had to be punished by Pa.

Suddenly Adam noticed how old their father looked. His face was more lined and his lips more firm. His eyes had lost their sparkle and his hair was completely white. Pa looked so different from the laughing man Adam had left and suddenly Adam realized what the death of his son had done to Ben. "How did he die?" Adam asked hoping it was a peaceful death surrounded by his father, brother and closest friends-surely a fitting tribute to a wonderful person like Hoss.

"He was helping a group of settlers," Joe answered his eyes gazing out into space as he relived the horrible accident. "We had come upon them trying to cross the river. They were having trouble coaxing their oxen across. The water was rapid and rising quickly. But they had to get to the other side and so did we. I offered to ride ahead to see if the bridge was passable. But it had been washed out and when I told Hoss that he smiled cheerily and answered 'Well, we'll just have to forge our way across.'

"I did not try to stop him." Joe's eyes filled with tears. "After all we had crossed this river in worse weather than this and we were always all right. I offered to ride in front and pull the oxen through the river and Hoss agreed telling me that he would push just in case the wagon got stuck or started to pull away. We go the settler's family inside the wagon assuring them that everything would be all right and that they would be at the other side in a matter of minutes. I took my place at the head of the wagon and waited for Hoss to take his place and shout at me 'Ready, Joe?'

" 'Ready, Hoss!' I called back. And I started to pull the oxen forward. It was not difficult all that they needed was a little encouragement and a firm hand. The oxen were resting firmly on the opposite bank and Hoss had started to push the wagon up the incline when it happened. Hoss was standing waist high in the water grunting and coaxing the inanimate wagon as it was his way. I saw a high wave making its way towards him. I wanted to scream and I tried but the words seemed to be caught in my throat. No words would come out and I dashed toward him intending to push him out of the way. But before I could reach him the wife of the settler screamed out 'HOSS, LOOK OUT!' Hoss turned toward the woman and was about to ask her what he should look out for when the huge wave swept over him dragging him under with it. I tried to jump I and help him but the settler held me back. 'There ain't nothin' you can do now for him now, son.' We watched in stunned silence as Hoss surfaced once, limp with a huge gash across his forehead. I was ready to go in and drag him out but the choppy water dragged him under again. We waited an hour but he never appeared again.

"It was on my way home that I found him. The waves obviously tired of playing with him had tossed him onto the banks and I ran towards him hoping that he was lying so still because he was stunned. There was an ugly welt on the back of his head and a gash across his forehead. He was dead."

Joe stopped his eyes fixed on that distant memory. He did not tell his older brother about how he had grabbed Hoss in his arms pleading with his older brother "Open your eyes, Hoss. Look at me! It's me, Shortshanks! Please, Hoss, Oh God Please!" He did not tell Adam how long he had cradled Hoss in his arms until tired and broken Little Joe brought the body of his brother back to their father.

Darkness started to filter around the Ponderosa and drifted into Adam's bedroom. Still the men sat in silence. Adam's soul was filled with sorrow. Hoss was dead. No longer would he hear his brother's laughter or see his brother's smile. There would no longer be any quiet evenings sitting by the blazing fire playing chess or checkers. There would no longer be any clomping down the stairs in the morning and asking "Hop Sing, what's for breakfast?" There would no longer be any of Hoss' earnest working on cattle drives. What would life be like on the ranch without Hoss?

Adam sighed and Ben looked over quickly at his son. It was all well and good to be grieving over the death of their beloved Hoss but Adam was still a sick man and a sick man's room is hardly the place to grieve. Ben walked over to Joe and laid a hand on his youngest son's shoulder. "Let's go, Joe. Adam needs to rest."

This time Adam did not try to stop them. He watched them through burning eyes as they walked out of his room and closed the door behind them. He listened as they walked down the stairs and then closing his eyes Adam Cartwright wept.

AUTUMN'S TRIBUTE

(Adam visits Hoss' grave)

It was several days before Adam was able to walk around again. The house seemed so big and empty without Hoss and the first day Adam sat brooding by the fire Joe had started to drive away the autumn chill. Somewhere deep in the flames Adam could see Hoss' friendly face and laughing eyes. He tore his gaze away and looked above the mantle. There was Hoss, too, in the form of a gun that he had once bought, a gun that shot around corners.

Adam sighed, shook his head and stood up. Ben, sitting at his desk, watched his son anxiously. Adam was having a hard time coming to grips with the death of his brother. Some deep guilt seemed to be holding Adam back from a peaceful acceptance. Ben wanted to know what was troubling his son but he refrained not wanting to intrude into Adam's private life.

Adam looked over once at his father as he stood by the fire. He had the urge to run to Ben, like he used to do as a child, and tell Pa everything that was troubling him. He wanted to pour out his heart and hear his father's soothing voice assuring him that everything would be all right. But he stopped himself. Ben had enough worries without being bothered by his petty sorrows.

"Pa, I'm going outside." Adam finally spoke and headed towards the front door. "I need some fresh air."

Ben nodded as his son walked outside. Then he set his pen down and looked for a long time at the picture of his dead son on the desk.

Outside Adam walked towards the open fields. Hoss was the binding glue that held the brothers together. When Adam punished Joe, Hoss was there to intervene. When Adam fought with Joe, Hoss was there to break them up. When Adam got mad at Joe, Hoss was there to soothe and calm him.

Adam stopped next to a large tree not far from the corral. Two strong stout ropes hung there with a rotted piece of board at their ends. It was the swing that he and Hoss had made for Joe when their younger brother was little. Hoss poured all his energy into it doing everything his older brother told him to do. He had been willing to climb the tree and tie the ends of the rope to the stout branch because after all "He was the strongest." Adam pushed the swing sadly. When they first made it he and Hoss had taken turns pushing their little brother in it. There was that time that Joe in trying to lose his tooth had jumped off that very swing. He watched the swing stop itself and sighed as he continued walking on.

The gate of the corral creaked as Joe opened it. There had been so many days when Hoss and his brothers had opened it to go in and out. In for a day of fun breaking the wild broncos, out tired and exhausted but a sense of accomplishment of a job well done. Joe did not notice his brother as he walked toward the house but leaning against the fence Adam closed his eyes and sighed. There were the days that he and Hoss had sat on the fence eating apples or cheering on the ranch hands as they broke in a new set of wild herd. The first time that Adam and Hoss had ever tried chewing tobacco they had sat on that very fence and tried to see how far they could spit it. Adam did not like the taste and Hoss got sick from it so they made a pact on that very fence to never try chewing tobacco again.

The barn was dead ahead and Adam walked in looking up at the hayloft above him. He, Hoss, and Joe used to play there. It was up in the hayloft that Joe had his first broken arm. It was in the autumn and Joe was four years old. The men had just brought in the hay and it was neatly stacked in the barn below the loft. Hoss and Adam free from their chores were jumping from the hayloft into the big stack of hay below. Little Joe had come up wanting to be like his big brothers and he had tried to jump. He still had not managed to judge distance and he fell a little short of the hayloft his arm twisted under him.

It was in the hayloft too that Adam and Hoss had once tried beer. Pa had a man working for him that Hoss really liked. The man was tall, chewed tobacco, drank beer, and swore to high heaven. But he was a hard worker and Pa kept him on. One night the man offered Hoss some beer and he in turn offered some to Adam. They were up in the hayloft so Pa could not see what they were doing and both of them got sick. "I ain't ever drinkin' beer 'gain." Hoss had sputtered and Adam grinned. Hoss was one of the biggest drinkers in their family-although Little Joe came close.

Adam walked out of the barn again. There was one special spot that he wanted to visit. When Pa first bought the Ponderosa there was a little grove of trees within walking distance of the house. It was always a beautiful place filled with the sight and sounds of nature. Hoss had loved it and now Adam wanted to pay special tribute to his brother by visiting the area now. He walked slowly over pausing now and then to remember different things. Here was the place where Hoss had broken his arm; there was where Hoss broke the fence. Here Hoss had fallen off his horse, and here Hoss had kissed his first girlfriend.

Adam sighed and stopped just inside the grove. There was a special spot that Hoss had called his own and Adam headed towards it now. The sunlight was shining through the autumn leaves bathing the clearing in its pretty gold. It was the only clearing in sight and Hoss had spent a lot of time there watching the animals and communing with nature.

The red and gold leaves crunched under Adam's feet as he walked through the clearing. There was an old fallen tree trunk that Hoss used to sit on and Adam suddenly yearned to sit on it himself. He stopped in front of the old log and sat down, his face buried in his hands. When he removed his hands from his face he saw a tall stone directly across from him, sticking up out of the ground. Curiously he walked over to it.

"'Here lies the earthly body of Hoss Cartwright. Beloved son and brother Hoss left this world in pursuit of a greater good: Helping his neighbor. May all who see this remember the deeds of Hoss Cartwright and become a better person because of it.'" And it was signed. "'Ben, Adam, and Joe Cartwright.'"

Adam stared at it for awhile unable to believe what he saw reading and rereading the inscription on his brother's tombstone. Then he knelt beside the grave and wept over the loss of his dear brother.

Finally, though, he stood up. Tears would not bring back his brother and Adam was a man. He shook himself, dried his eyes and stood up. Pa was sure to start worrying about him so he headed back towards the house. He looked back one last time and ten disappeared.

And on the ground covering Hoss' grave the leaves sparkled with the tears of a man who had loved his brother so much and had lost one of his dearest gifts.


End file.
